enjoy

i have 2 thoughts that are ever in conflict with each other:
1. most aspects of my day to day life, my world, if gone unchecked, can seem mundane...lonely...small...lacking...empty.
2. there are specific ways that God has crafted the makeup of all that I am & because of His mercy & love & creativity, i enjoy things & there is fullness of life to be lived with Him each second of each day.
i forget that. so, this post is a reminder of things that i enjoy. now, if i know anything, i know that God does occasionally call us to things we don't necessarily enjoy but are for His glory & our good. that is a different topic for a different day.


--> music...especially the kind that speaks to my heart & in unexpected ways tells a great story.
--> watching & observing strangers & making all kinds of guesses as to what they are like...and checking out their style & what it might say about them...which is mainly why i like the next one so much
--> new york city...all the diversity & people & art & business & noises & fashion & really it's like the biggest library ever of people, each with their own story of life.
--> fashion...i think that what we wear is not all there is to us by any means, but it can be such a fun way of expression...like a blank canvas for colors & textures & style & even sound (heels of shoes clicking & the swishing of a flowing skirt).
--> giving people gifts that aren't things that i like, but things that will make them smile & help them tangibly feel the love i have for them.
--> the color teal...the color yellow, but not too neon of a yellow...the color red, really any shade from coral to maroon...i guess i like all type of colors & color combinations.
--> relationships/friendships...and i don't mean having a ton of friends. that's fine & well, but i'd much rather have a few that are close than a ton with no depth. i long to have people in my world who i can call at anytime...that i can cry with & laugh with & i love the people in my life who knew my son. it is so important to me to have those who aren't afraid to bring him up & even have pictures of him around & just remember him with me...it makes the loneliness of grief not so intense.
--> clouds...the big marshmallowie kind that move pretty fast through the sky on a windy day.
--> worship...it always gives perspective on how little the things that seem to matter to me really are & it reminds me of where eliot is...that his life didn't actually end, but only just began & most likely a huge part of his new life in eternity is worship...and it makes me feel like we are doing the same thing...and therefore, it is one of the few times that i remember & miss him & smile all at the same time.
--> coffee...even though i am cutting back on the caffeine intake, i still can't resist the steaming cup of decaf. henri nouwen talks about how the "cup", whatever it is a cup of, makes us sit & stop & think...as crazy as it sounds, i think my "cup" of coffee is a vital part of my friendship with God.
--> walking to where i need to go. i love that we live where we can walk to the store or to coffee or out to eat or to meet matt at school...i should do that more often.

i guess that is what this little exercise is all about. things i should do more often. things i should look at more often. things i should think about more often.
for the 99 days that eliot was here, matt & i stopped, slowed down, & treasured the most amazing gift God had ever given us...we looked at him, studied him, took in everything about him & enjoyed our son. although the other gifts, the ones mentioned above, seem to pale in comparison to eliot...we should enjoy them for what they are & Who they are from.
the norm these days is to go, go, go
i want to be different & just slow, slow, slow
down & enjoy.